anyway i don’t want to be forever known as the crazy harry potter girl….

i think i really want this tattoo. but def worried about being judged. and i realllly don’t want to have to like explain the long story every time someone asks.

i really like the idea of a…… harry potter tattoo.

NO NOT JUST ANYTHING. soo many people get like the deathly hallows sign. which symbolizes like the elder wand, invisiblity cloak and all that. umm sorry, but that has no real relevance to my life since those things don’t EXIST. and not just like wingardium leviosa or something haha.

but………. i want one that says expecto patronum. because that means something to me. that’s what they say to get rid of the dementors. which symbolize depression. jk rowling went through depression, it’s a huge metaphor for that. have i ever LITERALLY been depressed? i have no idea. but i’ve been pretty close. soo. to me. expecto patronum is about fighting depression, or sadness, or just whatever the hell you need to fight lol.

but people are either going to a. never read harry potter and be like wtf is that latin shit. or b. be like oh…. a harry potter spell…. cool. they won’t get the deep MEANING. and i don’t really want to explain. but yeah i told brandon about it but he doesn’t really get it. he just thinks it’s because i love harry potter. which it kind of is…. i mean if i wanted i could get like “prozac” tattooed on me ahaha. but no. i don’t think anyone knew what i went through because i was pretty good at hiding it. i mean in person. if you saw my tumblr you’d know….. ha. but in person i’d always try to be bright and cheery. which is what a patronus is. conjuring up your happiest thoughts and memories even when it’s hard, and eventually you’ll get through it. personally i want it. i just don’t think other people will understand and yes i care what people think! i don’t want to get a tattoo just for people to think it’s stupid. that’s like buying a really expensive shirt that everyone thinks is ugly and then you have to wear it everywhere!

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idk…….. i just looked through all my recent posts on tumblr, going pretty far back. i don’t see too many emo things. nothing would resemble a “pity party.” idk i reblogged a picture of a britney spears song saying “my loneliness is killing me.” i’ve reblogged a few things like that i saw, that i thought pertained to my life. but it’s not like i sit on here and complain all the time. i mainly post funny HAPPY things. the majority of my tumblr posts are not emooooooo, they’re funny, made to make you smile. i wouldn’t look at my tumblr and think “damn this girl needs to shut up her little middle class white girl problems aren’t that bad.” i think you’d think i’m a fairly normal girl, who likes harry potter, and certain other moviessss and such, and who occasionally has a bad day and feels lonely and sad. So instead of telling all her real life friends about it, so they’ll feel sorry for her, she just posts a few simple things on tumblr just to get her feelings out there to people who don’t know her and don’t care. no one is obligated to read my posts. that’s why i normally put any personal ones in the READ MORE. i don’t like talking about my feelings, i WANT people to think i’m happy. why would i want people to think my life sucks??? i don’t. i wish i had a fabulous life, and i usually pretend i do. so don’t feel sorry for me and i don’t feel sorry for youu that you and your bf brokeee up a year ago and now the guys you like already have girlfriends. sounds like a deal :) we’ll just stop interacting with each otherrrrr.

sorry for the text post…….. idc if i get unfollowed…….. i’m so mad right now i don’t really care about muchh.

Oh wow. I just sawww something on twitterrr. Talking about me. And something I said on here………… guess I won’t be posting on here anymore.

I wasn’t even talking about her…….. so idk why she cares. But you say my life isn’t that bad either…………… you don’t know the first thing about my life. Idk how you’d feel if you had no friends. Absolutely NO ONE to hang out with except your boyfriend. NO ONE. I try and I try and I keep getting shut down. Sorry but I’m pretty sure SOCIAL INTERACTION is a must to happiness. Not just mine. EVERYBODY needs someone. And yes, I have someone. But sometimes, that one person is busy. And then I have no one.

I don’t see myself throwing a pity party. I vent on here sometimes. But I try to be positive usually. But you don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’ll just go cry about it by myself in a corner, so I don’t have to worry my “friends” about it, because they don’t care if I’m miserable here, as long as I can act fine when we hang out over breaks.